IF IT COSTS ME MY LIFE PT. 4

EVEN IF IT COSTS ME MY LIFE --- PART 4


Toshiro and Unohana were still seated around Momo's bed in the Squad 4 barracks when they heard Toshiro's lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto, in the hallway.
"Captain! Captain? Are you here?"

Toshiro pushed his chair back abruptly and walked quickly out into the hallway.
"What is it Rangiku?"
"Oh there you are Captain! I was starting to get worried! I had been searching everywhere and I couldn't find you. I couldn't even feel your spiritual pressure! I asked Renji and Shuuhei and they didn't know where you were either and-"

Toshiro cut across her long-winded exclamations.
"Why were you looking for me in the first place? I told you that I was going out for a while and that I wanted you to finish the day's paperwork while I was gone! And how exactly did you find me?" His voice was low and hard with a hint of annoyance.
"Oh Captain, don't be like that! I finished my paperwork and I didn't know what else I should do so I came looking for you. I had a feeling that you might be here. What are you doing in the Squad 4 barracks anyway?" Rangiku finished, curiousity and excitement evident in her voice.

Toshiro sighed. He knew that she already knew the answer to her question. She was just asking for confirmation of her suspicion. He had deliberately not told Rangiku where he was going in case she got any 'ideas', and he had also been careful to hide his spiritual pressure so that she couldn't find him like that. It seemed, however, that she had already formed some 'thoughts' about his personal life. "I came here to visit Lieutenant Hinamori, if you must know."

"Oh! How is she?"
"She's just woken up, so she's still feeling a bit dizzy, but otherwise she's fine."
"Oh Captain, that's great! Would it be okay if I went in and saw her?"
Toshiro sighed in exasperation. "Ok then, but be quiet! She has a headache."
"Ok!" Rangiku whispered.

"Hey Momo! How are you?" said Rangiku, practically bouncing into the room with a thoroughly irritated Toshiro trailing in behind her.
"Hi Rangiku." Momo smiled in greeting. " I'm fine. My wounds don't hurt at all. Just this beastly headache!" She smiled again, and this time it lit up her whole face.

Toshiro's heart thudded loudly and painfully against his chest at the sight of it. Unohana looked over at him with another knowing smile, a smile that was too knowing for Toshiro's liking. He looked away quickly. Was his love for Momo that obvious? Surely not. He was always careful to make his relationship with Momo appear simply as a close friendship, which, in truth, it was. There was just the fact that he was in love with her, hadn't told her, and was scared to because he was scared of what her reaction would be. He sighed. He had to tell her soon, otherwise he would never be able to tell her. It seemed that the longer he left it, the harder it was to try and tell her. But he didn't want to ruin their relationship. It was too precious for that. He was content with that, for now. He was still mulling over his thoughts when he realised that Rangiku was talking to him.

"Captain! Captain?" Rangiku waved her hand in front of his face.
He jerked out of his reverie and looked at his lieutenant. "What is it Rangiku?"
"I was saying that we should celebrate Momo's recovery when she's fully recovered! Wouldn't that be nice Captain?" Rangiku said excitedly.
Momo smiled. She knew Rangiku well. She would always use anything as an excuse to have party.
"Yeah, maybe. But not until Momo's fully recovered and back to her former strength."
"YAY!" Rangiku said loudly, clapping her hands.
Momo's smile turned into a wince, something that did not escape Toshiro's sharp eyes.
"Shush Rangiku! I told you to speak softly!" His classic scowl hardened on his face and he glared at Rangiku.
Momo, sensing that Rangiku was in danger of being frozen, came to her rescue. "It's okay Toshiro. My headache has almost completely gone."
"Oh. Okay then", he said, but continued to glance darkly in Rangiku's direction every so often.

"Lieutenant Matsumoto?" said Captain Unohana suddenly.
"Yes Captain Unohana?"
"Can I borrow you for a while? There's a job that I need done and Isane isn't here at the moment. If it's okay with Captain Hitsugaya of course." She looked at Toshiro.
"Yes, that's fine. I don't have anything for her to do at the moment anyway."
"Good", said Unohana, who was obviously very pleased. She and Rangiku walked towards the door.
"Bye Momo! Hope you're better soon!" Rangiku called over her shoulder.
"See you Rangiku", replied Momo, smiling.
Rangiku and Unohana walked out of the room, leaving Toshiro and Momo alone. Yet another awkward silence hung over the room.
'Why am I so awkward around Momo?! She is my oldest friend. I've known her for most of my life! So WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!' Toshiro clenched his hand into a fist. The room became noticeably colder than it had been previously.

"Toshiro? Is…is something wrong? The room just went cold", Momo said softly, her concern for her friend plain in her voice.
"Huh?" Toshiro jerked his head up. "Oh! No, nothing's wrong."
"Are you sure?"
Toshiro smiled. "Yes Momo. I'm sure. I'm perfectly fine."
"Well, I don't think you're fine. The room wouldn't have gotten cold that suddenly unless you were affecting the weather. And you look tense. You may be smiling with your mouth, but you're not smiling with your eyes as well. That means that something's wrong." Momo sighed. "I've known you for too long for you to fool me like that."
Toshiro stared at her, then lowered his gaze. "You're right. I'm sorry I tried to fool you." He paused, then continued speaking. "I-I suppose I was just thinking about what's going to happen now that Aizen, Ichimaru and Tosen have gone and what they're going to do to the Soul Society and-" He stopped and looked up into Momo's eyes. "No. That's not it. I mean, I was thinking about that as well, but it wasn't the main thing on my mind."
"Then what is?"
Toshiro sighed. "Momo, I…There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now. Since before the ryoka invaded the Seireitei." He stopped and swallowed. 'Why is this so hard?!' he thought angrily. "Momo, I….I love you."